We all know that type. The Penneys shopper. The kind who somehow manage to pull together an Oscars worthy outfit so when you ask them where they got their top from and they hit you with the "Thanks hun, Penneys' line you can't help but feel somewhat cheated because why is it when you come out of Penneys all you've managed to buy is another pair a pyjamas, a packet of clips (because where are the other 6,588 packets gone), some ankle socks and other small fecky bits that all add up to a hundred odd quid? Sometimes life isn't fair. And another thing we need to get out of the way.... Penneys Mary Street. MY.GOD. I'm just short of giving myself a pep talk before I go in, there is just so much stuff everywhere.
So the next time you hit Penneys in that Saturday morning induced panic in a desperate search to find something to wear that night, or maybe you just have a few bits to pick up, stick to this guide and you'll blossom into a Penneys pro.
I cannot stress this enough. We've all been there "sure its only 13 euro, they're practically paying me to wear it". Ok 1 they're not and 2, cheap priced clothing is evil. 13 quid here, 8 quid there, it all adds up and the person behind the till is just as shocked as you are for still, after your 568th time being there, feeling like you've been done every time you hit the cash point. It's inevitable, no matter how hard you try resist, you are going to go to Penneys at least every other time you go shopping. Even if you know what you want to pick up in Zara etc, you'll always throw the eye over Penneys because what if you miss out on a bargain?!?! Oh the despair. So here's what I do. Every month when I get paid I'll put aside a few bob to spend in Penneys itself, be that 50/70/100 quid. So once you determine your Penneys budget you're laughing (and fully entitled to go on an absolute mad one).
2. Don't go near the dressing rooms
Not now. Not ever. Think about it, you're hot, you're sweaty and there's a queue the length of O'Connell Street for the fitting rooms. And, not to mention, the excessive amount of mirror that let's you see ugly sides of your face you never even knew existed. It's also a well known fact that dressing rooms are heated from the fiery pits of hell themselves.
Heat = Swelling. You see where I'm going with this. Try your new wears on at home and return at a later date. Which brings me on to my next point....
3. Outfit choice
Unless you're making a day of it, dress in the least complicated items of clothing you posses... I'm talking leggings and a loose top. And if anyone asks, you're channeling the #Athleisurewear trend (Google it people). If you are going to brave the dressing rooms wear something you can shimmy in and out of quicker than you can say thanks hun, Penneys. Also, any sort of shoe choice that involves having to tie laces, leave them at home. Ok I literally sound like I'm advising people to rock into Penneys wearing a pair of pyjamas and slippers but sure don't people do that anyway *insert kermit but that's none of my business meme*.
If you think for one minute that slipping casually into Penneys at 12 o clock on a Saturday afternoon will be a somewhat pleasant experience you need your head checked. Get in and get out early if nothing else. You'll beat the queues, you'll beat the crowds and won't spend your entire visit trying to overtake that one person in front of you whose walking so slowly they're basically going backwards.
5. Go it alone
Listen, let's cut to the chase. Bring a friend and you end up helping her find a pair of plain black Penneys gym leggings. Like look Susan they don't exist so let's not waste any more of my precious time because I have money burning a hole in my pocket here ready to spend on stuff I definitely do not need. Be an independent woman who don't need no distractions and head in on your own.
6. Follow GizDat on Facebook/Instagram and encourage all your friends/family/neighbours/dogs to do the exact same
I am a self obsessed Penneys shopper myself. So why not avoid the hassle of rummaging through the piles of clothes in front of you and just check my page every waking minute of the day to see what they have in stock. I go in every week and trawl through the crowds like an absolute trojan so let me dzo your dzirty werk. Also, there are a number of other pages like mine that are self proclaimed Penneys enthusiasts. Take lazy to another level and let these pages work for you.